Dini Susanti Isnandi

Parents often wonder what they have done wrong to deserve the negative behaviour their toddlers exhibit.

The parent-child relationship changes across the child’s developmental span.

When the child was only an infant, his crying was deemed as acceptable and his parents would not imagine saying “No” to him.

But when he is two or three years of age, his crying and screaming become unacceptable. The third year ushers in a sense of personal will. Your three-year-old is constantly challenging your expectations and what you can accept as obedience. You want to do everything right by your child.

That is a pretty tall order for any mother, even one who stays at home. Being sensitive to your child’s needs is a good thing. But if parental attention is excessive, it can become over-solicitous.

You want to know everything your child is thinking and feeling. You want him to be positive at all times. This can cause your child to be anxious about having negative feelings. Your child may think his bad behaviour is the reason for your upset. Hence he ends up assuming there is something inherently wrong with him.

Strike a balance in all you do with your child. If you are feeling stressed, you must take care of your needs first. Make time for yourself rather than try to cope with the daily challenges your child throws at you. Choose those moments which you are prepared to deal with.

At other times, let someone take over or let it pass without fussing. Do not take on everything yourself.

When your son throws tantrums and protests loudly, allow him to recover and go back to his regular self with minimal fussing from you. This experience will help him learn to deal with his frustration and anxiety as unpleasant situations that can be tolerated as part of his growing up. Tantrums will eventually disappear as he grows older and have more self-control.

Deal with his behaviour when he is more reasonable and willing to listen. Use more play acting when it comes to dealing with his anti-social behaviour. Let him try out some of his ideas in his play sessions with you.

Rather than punishing him, help him find appropriate words to use when he wants something from someone.

Given more practice and experience, your son will know what to do when he is with other children.

taken from http:// thestar.com. my

By RUTH LIEW